Younger children (4 - 10 years)
Sometimes children can feel sad, angry or afraid. Something sad may have happened or there’s been a big change in their life. Maybe they’re feeling lonely at school or worry about not doing well in tests. They may have started to be more fearful of new situations or might be having recurrent scary dreams.
These sorts of feelings come and go and are a normal part of life, requiring simply empathic, attuned support from a caring parent. But if unhappy feelings don’t go away and your child feels sad, worried or angry a lot of the time it might be helpful to talk to someone like me whose job it is to help children feel better.
Parents are the experts as far as their children are concerned and they should trust their instincts if they notice and feel concerned about a new behaviour.
Individual counselling with younger children can involve art work, playing with toys, talking or just being quiet and reflective. In weekly sessions we might think together about what’s going on and try to make sense of it all. We might explore feelings in order to make them less scary. We don’t necessarily make difficult feelings go away, we just find ways to manage them better.
Older children and adolescents (10 years +)
Adolescence is a critical developmental stage during which young people are negotiating the leaving-behind of childhood dependence and the moving towards adulthood and independence. There are so many changes at this stage of life - physical, social and emotional - which can feel both exciting and scary.
Difficult feelings are a normal part of life, they come and go like the weather but if anxiety, stress or a low mood become more entrenched, it’s time to get some help. Maybe your teen is feeling overwhelmed, worried about school work, friendships, or their identity. Maybe they’re having trouble sleeping, experience frightening thoughts or are using harmful coping mechanisms.
Advances in neuroscience are teaching us that there are numerous brain changes during adolescence. The pre-frontal cortex, responsible for ‘executive function’ (grown-up, reflective decision-making) is one of the last areas of the brain to develop, not until the early 20s. This helps to explain why young people are often at the mercy of their more emotion-driven brain until these important developments occur.
Counselling can help young people explore what’s going on in their life in a confidential, supportive, non-judgmental space. If they choose to come and see me, we will think together about what options are available to help them feel better.
Parents
Often difficulties arise that are a normal part of development and which resolve themselves naturally over time. The challenge for both parents and therapists is working out what is developmentally normal and what may need some kind of intervention.
Difficulties that persist and disrupt everyday life, causing unhappiness in the young person, their teachers or everyone in the family, generally mean it may be time to get some support.
Counselling for parents is not about finding someone to blame. Parent work sessions allow you to hear yourself think, so support for you becomes support for your child. Learning about managing your own emotions in difficult circumstances will help your child manage theirs.
I offer practical and emotional support for ordinary parents to become ‘good enough’ for their children. I don’t claim to be a ‘parenting expert’ or to know what’s right for you and your particular family; only you can know this and in our work together you’ll be helped to figure it out.
